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New Open Arts Press Anthology: Your Poetry Sucks

everybody’s
gotta be clever
in their fucking
poems

even in their
fucking Facebook posts

I’m so sick of clever
don’t be witty

just puke

you’re nauseous with the world

and your fucking clever shit is only Pepto Bismal

all pink and chalky
 
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SHITHEAD PRESS

I can’t
get into
shithead press

buncha shitheads
won’t take my shit

I shouldn’t give a shit
but I give ‘em good shit
 
Audience Advice.

You must take every opportunity
To heckle, caterwaul, shout me down.
Stand up and be counted amongst those
who say I'm not sitting here listening to his drivel!
Loudly exit, bang any doors on the way out.

Write to the papers complaining
About the awful state of poetry nowadays.

It don't Rhyme so how can it be poetry?
Stand outside with placards and chants raised:

If it don't rhyme its a bleeding crime!
Raise a bill in parliament concerning the dire
state of the nations verse as directly related

to the state of the nation, the inflation
of poets advertising building society's
And kowtowing to the capitalists in power,

Like they did in Wordsworth's and Shelley's hour.
 
Jay Dougherty said:
As discussed in this thread, I'd like to put together an Open Arts Press anthology of work under the theme "Your Poetry Sucks." The idea is light-hearted in nature and would feature poetry that comments in a humorous way on other poets or the poetry "biz" in general.

If you have anything that would work and would like me to consider including it, please submit it here. Thanks. :)
Click to expand...

THE AWARD FOR POET OF THE YEAR GOES TO...
Not Me

When I read a poem,
I sometimes start to think,
Why can’t I compose like that—
pen, a dagger— bleeding ink?
Cutting through entangled thoughts,
making moody metaphors,
slipping in some assonance—
all before they’ve reached line four?

Perfect words like gemstones
are inscribed without a thought at all,
on a par with Shakespeare’s sonnets,
nothing like my sorry scrawls.
Astute alliterations
captured in trochaic lines,
sensory sensations—
so appealing, so sublime!

I can barely rhyme two words.
Afterwards I just discard.
In my mind I hear it read by
shoppers browsing greeting cards.​
 
Daniel J. Flore III said:
everybody’s
gotta be clever
in their fucking
poems

even in their
fucking Facebook posts

I’m so sick of clever
Click to expand...

I missed this one. I've been elsewhere, obsessing about the collapse of FTX and reading unbelievable fucking shit about this total insane mess. Humans, my God, how did you get so pointlessly arrogant about your fake cleverness? Why can't you see the obvious? That you suck?

Not you. Not anyone specifically. Just everyone.
I like this poem.
 
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Douglas Goodwin said:
I missed this one. I've been elsewhere, obsessing about the collapse of FTX and reading unbelievable fucking shit about this total insane mess. Human's, my God, how did you get so pointlessly arrogant about your fake cleverness? Why can't you see the obvious? That you suck?

Not you. Not anyone specifically. Just everyone.
I like this poem.
Click to expand...

I've been blissfully ignoring most news for the past months. It's been great.
 
Jay Dougherty said:
I've been blissfully ignoring most news for the past months. It's been great.
Click to expand...
Yes, I try to avoid all the usual hysteria, but this FTX thing hooked me. I was morbidly amused by Theranos, but this one is even (somehow) more compelling. It's like no one learns anything, ever. And you can hook people with the same scheme over and over again. I really would like to be able to comprehend the first thing about my fellow humans. They just seem so completely alien to me. I don't understand why that is.
Who are these assholes?
 
Douglas Goodwin said:
It's like no one learns anything, ever. And you can hook people with the same scheme over and over again.
Click to expand...

Might have something to do with the fact that "you can't teach young people anything." They have to learn the lessons all over again. I told a young friend of mine, over and over, "don't put money in bitcoin. I've seen that movie before, and it ends badly." She didn't listen. Guess I was "too old" to understand.

Douglas Goodwin said:
I really would like to be able to comprehend the first thing about my fellow humans. They just seem so completely alien to me.
Click to expand...

To me the amazing thing is that we haven't blown each other out of existence yet. There's still time, of course...
 
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